Flashback: The Best of Uncle's Inbox

Today's Inbox Flashback comes from our long out-of-print Volume 7, which originally debuted April 16, 2014.

Transcript edited for context and easier reading.

Robbie writes from Oklahoma City.

"Dear Uncle, It says on your XXXXXXX page that you are a chemist. Can you help me fix my meth recipe?"

I need to take that down... YES, I have a few degrees in the closet somewhere, but these days, it's too damned dangerous to brag about an advanced chemical education.   One minute you're in a bar talking to some biker chick - you let it slip you know how a pH meter works - and the next thing you know you're handcuffed to a rottweiler in a mobile home in the middle of nowhere stirring up generic Sudafed and nail polish remover in an old casserole dish. 

I think in future, I'll start telling people I'm a physicist. And with luck, they'll just totally ignore me.

Answer: NO.   I can't help you, Robbie.  There are hundreds of specialty fields under the umbrella of "Chemistry" and we're not all Heisenbergs at the core.    Walt and Jesse were practicing what's known as Synthetic Organic Chemistry, which was never my strongest area.  (Sure the labs were fun, the solvents smelled awesome and there was always one good fire a day... but as previously stated, it was my weak area.) 

In his heyday, your favorite Uncle was mostly a Physical Chemist (specializing in Thermodynamics if you want to get technical), but I also spent big chunks of my career working in both Analytical and Inorganic Chemistry.   I especially enjoyed the latter - That's where all the pretty colors are.

Sorry Robbie, you'll find more qualified cooking advice at the bus station.   Or maybe on another podcast.  But not this one.

DOWNLOAD VHUS v.75 for Maximum Podcast Pleasure!

More episodes at our Pod-O-Matic Home Page!

UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!!

Thursday, June 1:

From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.17!

Monday, June 5:

V.H.U.S. World Series Of Heavy Listeners: May Rankings!

Thursday, June 8:

Premiere! The all-new VHUS v.76!

Monday, June 12:

Flashback: The Worst of TRACK 13!

Follow Uncle D.L. on Twitter!

CONTACT US!   (Letters To The Devil, comments, requests, etc...)

It's the all-new VHUS Volume 75! (Sorry about the font.)

What’s occurring?

• When it comes to show biz, The Devil ain't no dummy!
• Uncle D.L.'s Favorite TV MILFs!   (one choice MAY shock you!)
• Mexican remakes of German comedies: Genius or Madness?
• The Moog Synthesizer: NOT pronounced like you'd think.
• Another NSFW "Listener Submission Day" on TRACK 13!
• What Uncle REALLY did on his last visit to the strip club!

Plus MORE blacklight-powered prog rock, metal, comedy and classic rock obscura!  JOIN US!!

The Very Heavy Uncle Show – Volume 75

Debut: May 25, 2017

• Tesla - Little Suzi   [Mechanical Resonance…Geffen]
• Big Big Train - The Ivy Gate   [Grimspound…English Electric Recordings]
• Royal Thunder - April Showers   [Wick…Spinefarm Records]
• Ayreon - Condemned To Live   [The Source…Music Theories Recordings]
• Billy Connolly - President Of America   [Billy And Albert…10 Records/Virgin]
• Anubis - Fool's Gold   [The Second Hand… www.anubismusic.com]
• Magenta - Colours   [We Are Legend…Tigermoth Records]
• EYE - Searching     [Vision And Ageless Light…The Laser's Edge]
• Blackfield - Family Man   [V …KScope]
• The Pre-Fab Four - Daily Nightly   [Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones, Ltd….Rhino]
• Blacktop Mojo - Where The Wind Blows   [Burn The Ships…Cuhmon Records]
• Galley Beggar - Four Birds   [Heathen Hymns…Rise Above Records]
• Astral Doors - Walls   [Black Eyed Children…Metalville]
• Steve Hackett & Djabe - The Steppes   [Summer Storms & Rocking Rivers…Cherry Red]
• Isildurs Bane & Steve Hogarth - Incandescent   [Colours Not Found In Nature…Ataraxia]
• Cast - Through Stained Glass   [Power And Outcome…Progressive Promotion]
• Cream - Tales Of Brave Ulysses    [Live Cream, Volume II…Polydor UK]
• Richard Cheese - Black Hole Sun   [Supermassive Black Tux… https://richardcheese.bandcamp.com]

DOWNLOAD VHUS v.75 for Maximum Podcast Satisfaction

More download-able episodes on our POD-O-MATIC Home Page

UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!!

Monday, May 29:

Flashback: Uncle's InBox!

Thursday, June 1:

From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.17!

Monday, June 5:

V.H.U.S. World Series Of Heavy Listeners: May Rankings!

Thursday, June 8:

Premiere! The all-new VHUS v.76!

Using iTunes? Click to SUBSCRIBE here!   Or SUBSCRIBE using rss2.xml feed HERE.

Send a Letter To The Devil
(Seriously: You need to contact us?  Use this link.)

Grip Of Delusion Radio on Tune-In

(VHUS Saturday Nights! 10PM ET / 4AM CET)

Follow Uncle D.L. on TWITTER!
(Yes, I'm back. No need to make a big thing out of it.)

FLASHBACK: The Worst Of "Letter To The Devil"

Source: Very Heavy Uncle Show v.9
(original debut: May 14, 2014)

Transcript edited for context and readability.


UNCLE: Weston66 writes "I am reading Dante’s Divine Comedy as part of my college coursework. Are there still 9 circles in hell, or is there now a more complex system, perhaps modeled after the DMV?"

DEVIL: HA!! Good one, Weston! The nine circles of hell thing was okay back in the 14th century, sin was easy back then. You basically had a circle for each of 7 deadly sins, throw in spots for limbo and treachery and we were good to go.

But by the dawn of the 20th century, mankind had found so many new ways to be evil bastards, we had to overhaul the entire system, which was a real pain 6o years before computers. Today, hell is simply divided into floors and we’re digging deeper and deeper every year to make room for all the new shit you mortals keep coming up with.

So it’s not necessarily "the worse your sins, the deeper you go?"

That system is just not practical any more. It’s easier to keep all tenants with the same background on the same floors. It also makes sheet change and meal-time much more efficient.

You must be ass-deep in lawyers. So they have what, three or four floors all to themselves?

Try FIFTY. You heard me. 3500 floors in the joint and FIFTY of them are crammed full of suspender-snapping douchbags. We have three floors of child molesters, six floors of drug dealers and we’re slowly adding a ninth floor to the telemarketer wing. We’d be done already, but every time we go to the contractor floor for cheap labor, we can’t find them. I think they’re hiding out with the cable installers. (Devil laughs)

I miss the old Nine circles. I knew where everything was. Now I need a freaking GPS just to find the nurse’s office.

Thanks for writing, Weston. Satan out.

Uncle-Note: As of Friday, May 20, 2017 - the total number of floors in the underworld stands at 3748.   61 of them are fully occupied by former members of the legal profession.

DOWNLOAD Classic Encore 16 while it's still available!

(It's going away SOON!)

DOWNLOAD v.74 for Maximum Podcast Pleasure

More episodes at the V.H.U.S. Pod-O-Matic Home Page

UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!!

Thursday, May 25:

Premiere! The all-new VHUS v.75!

Monday, May 29:

Flashback Favorites: Uncle's InBox!

Thursday, June 1:

From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.17!

Monday, June 5:

VHUS World Series Of Heavy Listeners: May Rankings!

Follow Uncle D.L. on TWITTER!

Send your very own Letter To The Devil

Still not legal, but very sweet! VHUS Classic Encore 16!

What occurred in late August, 2014?

• Uncle D.L. says good-bye to the late Robin Williams.
• The Devil gets "equal time" to respond to Christian Rock Lyrics.
• Low-brow humor always scores big in Twitter #hashtag games.
• Sure, I think Miranda Hart is funny... but I don't want to see her naked.
• The Devil journeys to Finland to mock one of many Hobbit-obsessed bands.
• Career advice for wannabe horror-movie mogul Slash.

Plus big heaps of blacklight-powered prog rock, metal, classic rock obscura and caustic commentary. JOIN US!

DOWNLOAD Classic Encore 16 for Maximum Podcast Satisfaction

While you're at it... DOWNLOAD our most recent episode (v.74) HERE!

More episodes for the taking on the VHUS Home Page!

THE VERY HEAVY UNCLE SHOW, VOLUME 16

(original debut: August 27, 2014)

• Black Spiders - KISS Tried To Kill Me   [Sons Of The North...Dark Riders]
• Anubis - Dead Trees   [Hitchhiking To Byzantium...Birds Robe Records]
• Standarte - In My Time Of Dying   [Standarte...Black Widow]
• Kerry Livgren - Mask Of The Great Deceiver   [Seeds Of Change...Sony Japan]
• Kowai - Yield   [Dissonance...Kowai Music]
• Huis - Write Your Name   [Despite Guardian Angels...Unicorn Digital]
• W.E.T. - Learn To Live Again   [Rise Up...Frontiers]
• Zodiac - Horror Vision   [A Bit Of Devil...Prosthetic]
• Manticore - New Foundation   [Time To Fly...The Laser’s Edge]
• Spiritual Beggars - Sweet Magic Pain   [Earth Blues...Inside Out]
• Fish - Crucifix Corner   [A Feast Of Consequences...Chocolate Frog]
• City Boy - It's Only The End Of The World   [The Day The Earth Caught Fire...Bear Family]
• Battlelore - House Of Heroes   [Evernight...Napalm]
• Golden Earring – Sleepwalkin’   [To The Hilt...Universal UK]
• Renaissance - Midas Man   [Novella...Sire/Warner]
• Mount Salem - The End  [Endless...Metal Blade]
• Enchant - Under Fire   [Blink Of An Eye...Inside Out]
• Horisont - Ain't No Turning Back   [Time Warriors...Metal Blade]
• Alice Cooper - Ballad Of Dwight Fry   [Love It To Death...Warner Bros.]

UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!!

Monday, May 22:
The Worst Of Letter-To-The-Devil!

Thursday, May 25:
Premiere! The all-new VHUS v.75!

Monday, May 29:
Flashback Favorites:  Uncle's InBox!

Thursday, June 1:
From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.17!

Follow Uncle D.L. on TWITTER!

(Yes, I'm back for a while... but don't expect too much from me, okay?)

Send A Letter To The Devil!

GRIP OF DELUSION RADIO on Tune-In

(VHUS Saturday Nights!  10PM ET / 4AM CET)

Flashback: Little Bits Of Letters (2015)

Here at The Very Heavy Uncle Show... we get letters.

Long ones.   Short ones.

Curious letters.   SCARY letters.

And on very rare occasions: Threatening letters (usually threatening yours truly with parenthood!).

As necessity is the mother of invention, we had to invent a way to process the most listener mail in the shortest amount of time... thus LITTLE BITS OF LETTERS was born!

Here's an L.B.O.L. installment you probably haven't heard in a while (if ever), originally part of VHUS Volume 44  - October, 2015

(Transcript edited for context and to improve consumption.)

Where do I stand on NICKELBACK?   I can’t believe someone who listens to THIS show could even ask... but... if Nickelback were loitering in the middle of the street and I were behind the wheel of a garbage truck a block away... I’d STAND on the accelerator.

Am I married?  If not, why not?  No, not married.   I’m too much of a free spirit.  And I hate children.   And I'm generally considered to be physically repulsive.   I’m sure there are dozens more reasons.

Your favorite TV MILF is Elizabeth Montgomery?  Really?

Yes.  Really.   What did you expect me to say?  June Lockhart?   That’s just weird.

The Devil told a joke about why baby aspirin are yellow.  I don’t get the punchline.  Nobody I know got it.    Explain.

I believe it was a reference to Asian sweatshops using child labor.  How did you miss that?

I want to buy some of the music I've heard on the show, but I can’t find it on Amazon.   Where did YOU get it?

A not-small percentage of it comes from the artists themselves.   As for the rest, go to the our home page at veryheavyuncle.podomatic.com  and look down that blue sidebar on the right with all the links, most of those links are music labels with good legitimate webstores.   You will ALSO see several specialty progressive rock & metal CD stores - they should be obvious by their labeling.   Go to THOSE places too. Look around.  Do some searching.   And be prepared to spend ALL of your allowance.

Why does Audrey sound like she has brain damage?

Short answer:  Audrey is Irish.   Also her software is buggy as hell.

I want to have a Halloween movie party, but I don’t want any of friends or co-workers inside my house.  Options?     First I can sympathize about the co-worker thing.   The listener doesn't say where say where they're from , so the following idea may or may not be a feasible alternative... 

Question: Do you trust them in your backyard?   Weather permitting, I would suggest getting hold of a digital projector, assembling a basic screen – not that hard - and dressing up your back yard as a pumpkin patch/cemetery/movie theater.   It will take some work, you’ll need to deal with your neighbors, AND it may be too freaking cold where you are by October 31^st, but a lot of people are doing this kind of thing since projector prices have come down.   And they generally seem to LOVE it!

You can throw some keywords into Google and come up with several articles on this subject of backyard theaters... I just read a fairly detailed one on How-To-Geek.com  

I host lots of Halloween parties, but I've never tried this.  It sounds ass-loads of fun, if it’s not raining. Or 40 degrees.

DOWNLOAD v.74 for Maximum Podcast Satisfaction

More episodes on the VHUS Home Page @  Pod-O-Matic

UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!!

Thursday, May 18:
From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.16!

Monday, May 22:
The Worst Of Letter-To-The-Devil!

Thursday, May 25:
Premiere! The all-new VHUS v.75!

Monday, May 29:
Flashback Favorites:  Uncle's InBox!

.

iTunes users click to SUBSCRIBE here!   

... or use our rss2.xml feed HERE.

Send A Letter To The Devil

Grip Of Delusion Radio on Tune-In   

(VHUS Saturday Nights!  10PM ET / 4AM CET)

An old favorite RETURNS to the all-new VHUS v.74!

What’s occurring?

• Hallelujah!  Our MOST-requested ex-feature returns!
• Who came 51st in the last Heavy World Series?   (We're not telling.)
• Letter-To-The-Devil: Say your name, bitch!
• Dear Musicians: How NOT to send us music.
• Track 13: When Blondes go bad!
• Uncle D.L. takes a vacation from anti-social media.

Plus MORE lava lamp-powered prog rock, metal, comedy and classic rock obscura!   JOIN US!

DOWNLOAD v.74 for Maximum Podcast Satisfaction

More episodes on the VHUS Home Page @  Pod-O-Matic

THE VERY HEAVY UNCLE SHOW – Volume 74

Debut: May 11, 2017

Rush - What You're Doing   [Rush…Mercury Records]

Lonely Robot – Everglow   [The Big Dream…Inside Out UK]

Fatal Fusion - Astral Fight   [Total Absence…Karisma Records]

Kaprekar's Constant - Hors d'Oeuvre   [Fate Outsmarts Desire…Uranium Club]

Resistor – Arrival   [Underground… https://resistor222.bandcamp.com]

Deep Purple - All I Got Is You   [Infinite… E.a.r. Music]

Maxophone - Il Matto e L'aquilone   [La Fabbrica delle Nuvole…AMS Records]

Mostly Autumn - Only The Brave   [Sight Of Day…Mostly Autumn Records]

Dantalion's Chariot - Madman Running Through The Fields   [Chariot Rising…Warner/Rhino]

Antimatter - Black Eyed Man   [The Judas Table…Prophecy]

Cold Black River – Dystopia   [Ancient Depths… https://coldblackriver.bandcamp.com]

Sunset Nebula - Sang Real   [Sunset Nebula… http://boshik.wixsite.com/sunsetnebula]

Psychedelic Witchcraft - The Dark Lord   [Magick Rites And Spells… Soulseller]

Ghost Community - Rise Up   [Cycle Of Life… ROK Music]

Big Big Train - Summoned By Bells   [A Stone's Throw From The Line…English Electric Recordings]

VIII Strada - Ombre Cinesi   [Babylon…Fading Records]

Lake - On The Run   [Lake…CBS Germany]

UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!!

Monday, May 15:
Flashback Favorites:  Little Bits Of Letters!

Thursday, May 18:
From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.16!

Monday, May 22:
The Worst Of Letter-To-The-Devil!

Thursday, May 25:
Premiere! The all-new VHUS v.75!

iTunes users click to SUBSCRIBE here!      or... SUBSCRIBE using rss2.xml HERE

Send A Letter To The Devil!

Grip Of Delusion Radio on Tune-In

(VHUS Saturday Nights!  10PM ET / 4AM CET)

The VHUS Spring-Cleaning Poll: Final Results!

After 40 days and nights the VHUS Spring-Cleaning Poll has finally closed.   Overall, I can't say I was TOO surprised by what you told us, but I WAS honestly shocked by a couple of the results.

And when I said: "Your input could very well shape future episodes... 
I meant it!

LOVE IT OR HATE IT?   (% = Love It!)

LETTER TO THE DEVIL................91%  

UNCLE'S SHOPPING BASKET......10%

THE PSYCHEDELIC SNACK..........61%

TRACK 13..................................85%

UNCLE-VISION..........................38%

LITTLE-BITS-OF-LETTERS...........92%


Wow.  I had no idea you guys hated THE BASKET so much.


DEAR UNCLE, PLEASE BRING BACK (or DO MORE):

8-TRACK MEMORIES......................95%

NASTY RANTS FROM UNCLE!..........76%

THE ROUND & SHINY REPORT........40%

PIRATE RADIO MEMORIES.............36%

THE NEWS MOOD............................8%

Confession: I never liked doing THE NEWS MOOD.
Too damned much work.

Thanks to everyone who took part in the poll!

DOWNLOAD VHUS Encore 15 for Maximum Podcast Pleasure!

DOWNLOAD our latest episode: VHUS v.73!


More episodes available on our POD-O-MATIC Home Page!

UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!!

Thursday, May 11:

Premiere! The all-new VHUS v.74!

Monday, May 15:

Flashback Favorites!   Little Bits Of Letters!

Thursday, May 18:

From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.16!

Monday, May 22:

The Worst Of Letter-To-The-Devil!

CONTACT US!   (Letters To the Devil, suggestions, real job offers, etc.)