Wednesday, April 26, 2017

NEW! VHUS v.73: (a.k.a.: The Babysitting Episode)





















What’s occurring?
  • Shocker: VHUS has been accused of being TOO smutty!
  • Babysitting tips from The Devil!    (also: Tips on How-not-to-tip.)
  • Four movies that haven’t been re-booted into cable TV series (yet).
  • TRACK 13: Bad ethnic jokes & toxic roast beef.
  • Uncle D.L.’s best flea-market find EVER!
  • If you're going to sit behind Uncle at the cinema... don't do THIS!
Plus more incense-fueled prog, metal, comedy & classic rock,   JOIN US!









Premiere: April 27, 2017

Uriah Heep - Proud Words   [Demons And Wizards  (Deluxe Bonus CD)…BMG UK]
Kepler Ten - Time And Tide   [Delta-V… www.keplerten.com]
Aurora Project - World Of Grey   [World Of Grey…FREIA Music]
Horisont - The Hive   [About Time…Century Media]
Anima Morte - Illusion Is The Catalyst   [Upon Darkened Stains…Transubtans Records]
Beyond The Black – Nevermore   [Lost In Forever…UDR-Universal]
Transatlantic – Spinning   [The Whirlwind  (Bonus CD)…Radiant-Metal Blade]
Steve Martin - Smoking  [pt.1]   [Let's Get Small…Warner Bros.]
The Skys - Broken Sounds Of Truth   [Journey Through The Skies…The Skys]
Al Stewart - Electric Los Angeles Sunset   [Zero She Flies…Rhino]
Vintage Caravan - Five Months   [Arrival…Nuclear Blast]
Knight Area – Unbroken   [Heaven And Beyond…Butler Records]
The Answer - Demon Driven Man   [Solas…Napalm Records]
L'Impero Delle Ombre - L'Oscura Persecuzione   [I Compagni Di Baal…Black Widow Records]
Drifting Sun – Retribution   [Safe Asylum… www.driftingsun.co.uk]
This Winter Machine - The Wheel   [The Man Who Never Was…Progressive Gears]
Steve Martin - Smoking  [pt.2]   [Let's Get Small…Warner Bros.]
Anima Mundi - Clockwork Heart   [I Me Myself…Anima Mundi Music]
Mater Thallium - Mother Free   [Abandoned By The Sun…Autumnsongs Records]
Santana – Taboo   [Santana III…Columbia-Legacy]






UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!

NOTICE:  VHUS Spring-Cleaning Poll is now CLOSED!  (Results May 8th.)

Monday, May 1:
The VHUS WORLD SERIES OF HEAVY LISTENERS - APRIL RANKINGS!

Thursday, May 4:
From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.15!

Monday, May 8:
RESULTS!  The VHUS Spring-Cleaning Poll!

Thursday, May 11:
Premiere!  The all-new VHUS v.74!

The other way to subscribe: VHUS rss2.xml feed link HERE.



Grip Of Delusion Radio on Tune-In   (VHUS Saturday Nights!  10PM ET / 4AM CET)





Monday, April 24, 2017

The Roberta Chronicles: The Worst of LETTER-TO-THE-DEVIL!







As originally featured in VHUS Volume 10 (May 28, 2014):

(Transcript edited to improved readability)

UNCLE: Putt-Master-Flash writes from Knoxville: "Dear Satan:  Do you have a mother-in-law?  If so, how do you deal with her shit? Mine just moved in 3 houses down, and she’s driving me insane."

DEVIL: I feel your pain Flash, and that’s not easy for me to say. Yes, I DO have a mother-in-law and you should consider yourself lucky that you at least have some distance between you.

ROBERTA (I call her Bobby) lives in our spare room, and she's on my ass like a bad rash 24-7.   "Why do the Hitlers have a bigger house by the good Lake Of Fire?"   "Why do you always have to bring that dirty pitchfork into the living room?"  "My daughter could done a lot better than YOU, mister!   She could have married an ArcAngel!"   Nag! Nag! NAG!   Some days I just want to pull off my horns and shove them in my ears.

My only suggestion: If your mother-in-law bugs you - BUG the bitch back.  When it works, it will buy you a few precious days of peace and quiet.

The last time Roberta really pissed me off, I pretended the cable went out – which was easy because we have COMCAST down here. Bobby was in the middle of Duck Dynasty, so she demanded equivalent entertainment for the rest of the afternoon.

So I had personnel send over ANDY GRIFFITH and BUDDY EBSEN - you know, the guys who played Matlock and Barnaby Jones - And I made them strip down to their diapers and wrestle in front of her!!   

Bobby lasted about 3 minutes (Devil laughs!).   Then I told her the next time she got on my tail, I’d add Dom DeLuise to the lineup.   And there would be NO diapers.   


Bobby was gentle as a lamb for almost a week.   However, the missus was less like a lamb and more like King Kong.  So I’m on the couch until Labor Day.   Needless to say, your mileage may vary.   Good luck, Flash!  You’ll need it.   Satan out.










DOWNLOAD VHUS CLASSIC ENCORE v.14! 
(Available for a very limited time!)









UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!

RIGHT NOW:
Take the VHUS Spring-Cleaning Poll!   (Less than one week left!)

Thursday, April 27:
Premiere!  The all-new VHUS v.73!

Monday, May 1:
The VHUS WORLD SERIES OF HEAVY LISTENERS - APRIL RANKINGS!

Thursday, May 4:
From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.15!

Monday, May 8:
RESULTS!  The VHUS Spring-Cleaning Poll!

CONTACT US!   (It's e-mail.  You remember e-mail?)





Wednesday, April 19, 2017

It's Green. The Re-Animation of VHUS Classic Encore v.14!





















By request: For our newest listeners... another vintage episode!

What occurred in July, 2014?
  • What’s REALLY going on in that vacant Wal-Mart building?
  • Got a spoiled stepdaughter?  The Devil has psychological warfare tips.
  • When crotch-sniffing dogs take it up a notch!
  • What do hoarding, Belgium and dirt have in common?  The Devil knows.
  • We pick on a certain self-important horror magazine.  Again.
Plus more blacklight-fueled prog, metal, comedy and classic rock obscura.  JOIN US!










DOWNLOAD VHUS v.14 for Maximum Podcast Satisfaction!

More episodes at our POD-O-MATIC Home Page!


The Very Heavy Uncle Show – Volume 14

(Original Debut: July 23, 2014)

The Ramones -- Rockaway Beach   [Rocket To Russia...Sire]
Bloody Hammers -- The Town That Dreaded Sundown   [Under Satan's Sun...Napalm]
Persona Grata – Ace   [Reaching Places High Above...Persona Grata]
Knight Area – Conspiracy   [The Sun Also Rises...The Lasers Edge]
Tiamat -- The Scarred People   [The Scarred People...Napalm]
Fates Warning -- Firefly   [Darkness In A Different Light...Inside Out]
Jethro Tull -- Back Door Angels   [Warchild...Chrysalis]
Airbag -- The Greatest Show On Earth   [The Greatest Show On Earth...Karisma Records]
Krokus -- Tokyo Nights   [Metal Rendez-Vous...Arista UK]
Witch Mountain -- The Ballad Of Lanky Rae   [Cauldron Of The Wild...Profound Lore]
Mad Puppet -- Wild Rushing Waters   [Masque...WMMS]
Humble Pie -- Shine On   [Rock On...A&M Records]
Oceans Of Sadness -- Them Bones   [Mirror Palace...Scarlet/SPV]
Unifaun -- Birth Of A Biggie   [Unifaun...Progrock Records]
Mountain -- Theme From An Imaginary Western   [Woodstock Two...Cotillion/Rhino]
Q65 -- Cry In The Night   [Revival...Decca/Rhino]
Druckfarben – Dandelion   [Second Sound...Druckfarben]
After Forever -- Beneath   [Exordium...Transmission]
Citizen Cain -- The Charnel House   [Skies Darken...F2 Music]
Styx -- Best Thing   [Styx I...UMG/Hip-O]






UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!
RIGHT NOW:
Take the VHUS Spring-Cleaning Poll!   (Just a few days left!)

Monday, April 24:
The Worst Of LETTER TO THE DEVIL!

Thursday, April 27:
Premiere! The all-new VHUS v.73!

Monday, May 1:
The V.H.U.S. WORLD SERIES OF HEAVY LISTENERS - APRIL RANKINGS!

Thursday, May 4:
From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.15!










Send A Letter To The Devil (or Uncle D.L. ... or LUCI...)

Grip Of Delusion Radio on Tune-In   (VHUS Saturday Nights!  10PM ET / 4AM CET)




Monday, April 17, 2017

Best Of The In-Box: Uncle's Toilet Brush With Fame







From VHUS Volume 9 - May 14, 2014:
(Transcript edited for readability)


HGW_2012 poses the question: "You seem like the type of guy who has met a lot of celebrities in his career.   What was your strangest celebrity encounter?"

A LOT?  Not really, by today’s standards.   But there is ONE chance encounter I think is always going to be #1 on my personal "weird-list."    1987: I was in London at Liverpool Street Station in search of the toilets.  And when I found them, I discovered they were laid out rather strangely (compared to what I was used to back in the USA).

Picture a long row of urinals in the center of the floor, about ribcage high, and another row around the backside of those facing the opposite way.  NO separating wall, so you could look right across (practically nose-to-nose) and watch the face of the guy across from you taking a leak and doing his best to ignore you ignoring him.  Weird setup.

I was purging my system and out of the corner of my eye noticed a guy stepping up to the urinal directly across from me.  Not really knowing the custom, I kept my head down and concentrated on my aim.   Then the stranger coughed and cleared his throat... at which point a little piece of my brain said:  "D.L.!! You recognize that voice!  You should really have a look."   So I glanced up and 2 feet across from me was BILL-FREAKIN'-MURRAY!  He saw me, and I managed to smile and say "hey!"  

Mr. Murray said: "How’s it goin’?"   And I THINK I said:  "Weird plumbing, huh?"    Bill's reply: "Good thing I don’t need to take a dump."  He zipped up, said "See ya around!" and was off.  And he didn’t even wash his hands.


A lot of people have questioned my story.  All I can say is this: If it WASN’T Bill Murray, then it was an incredibly realistic hologram.  That didn't wash its' hands.








DOWNLOAD VHUS v.72 for Maximum Podcast Pleasure!

More episodes at the VHUS home page on Pod-O-Matic!







UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!

NOW:
Take the VHUS Spring-Cleaning Poll!   (Just a few days left!)

Thursday, April 20:
From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.14!

Monday, April 24:
The Worst Of LETTER TO THE DEVIL!

Thursday, April 27:
Premiere! The all-new VHUS v.73!

Monday, May 1:
The V.H.U.S. WORLD SERIES OF HEAVY LISTENERS - APRIL RANKINGS!
















Wednesday, April 12, 2017

The all-new, mostly-porn VHUS Volume 72!




















What's occurring in v.72?
  • How NOT to shoot a YouPorn video: 5 helpful tips!
  • Coming soon to Hell: Dental Coverage (if you qualify)!
  • Proggy CD box sets you probably don't want and can’t afford.
  • Uncle D.L. celebrates 3 years in the Grip Of Delusion.
  • More recycled jokes from Hades!  The Worst of Track 13, Vol.2!
  • Ain’t too proud to Beeg.com.
PLUS more incense-fueled prog rock, metal, comedy and classic rock obscura.   JOIN US!









The Official Playlist    (Debut: April 13, 2017)

Starcastle - Half A Mind To Leave Ya'   [Real To Reel…Sony Japan]
Jean Pierre Louveton (JPL) – Joker   [Le Livre Blanc…Quadrifonic]
Nemo - Je Suis Un Objet   [Revolu$ion…Quadrifonic]
Public Animal - It Just Don't Seem Right   [Palace Arms… https://publicanimal.bandcamp.com]
Anathema – Release   [A Fine Day To Exit…Music For Nations]
Saxon - Standing In A Queue   [Sacrifice…UDR-EMI]
Barock Project - Rescue Me   [Detachment…Artalia]
Voyag3r - Anima Trasgressione (Seq 2)   [Are You Synthetic?... https://voyag3r.bandcamp.com]
Magic Pie – Freakshow   [Circus Of Life…Karisma Records]
Tiffany Shade - An Older Man   [The Tiffany Shade…Mainstream-ACE]
Deep Sun - The Believer   [Race Against Time…Available on iTunes]
The Fringe – You   [The Fringe… http://www.thefringetrio.com]
Floating Widget - (Nobody Loves An) Albatross   [The Sounds Of Earth… https://floatingwidget.bandcamp.com]
Weird Al Yankovic - C.N.R.   [Alpocalypse…Jive-Volcano]
TCP - Torn Apart 1000 Sparks   [Temporal Chaos…WATT]
Cast - Rules Of The Desert   [Power And Outcome…Progressive Promotions]
Spiritual Beggars - Lonely Freedom   [Sunrise To Sundown…Inside Out]
White Willow - Animal Magnetism   [Future Hopes…The Laser's Edge]
Styx - After You Leave Me   [Styx I…UMG-Hip-O]






UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!!
RIGHT NOW!!
Take the VHUS SPRING CLEANING POLL!  (To your immediate right ->)
Monday, April 17:
The Best Of Uncle's In-Box!
Thursday, April 20:
From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.14!
Monday, April 24:
Don't worry, we'll think of something!
Thursday, April 27:
Premiere!   The all-new VHUS v.73!









Follow Uncle D.L. on TWITTER!

Send A Letter To The Devil

Grip Of Delusion Radio on Tune-In   (VHUS Saturday Nights! 10PM ET / 4AM CET)

Monday, April 10, 2017

Son Of The Worst Of Track 13!







Are we above cheap Blonde jokes here at THE VERY HEAVY UNCLE SHOW?

No.  Not at all.    Let us begin....

From VHUS v.21:

What do you give the Blonde who has everything?
Penicillin.

How do you tell if a Blonde did your landscaping?
The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

See... the bushes are darker... because blondes... oh never mind!


And from VHUS v.24:

Everybody likes to build snowmen, right? But why does it take longer to build a Blonde one?  You have to hollow out the head!

How do you make a Blonde's eyes light up? 

Shine a flashlight in her ear, but make sure her mouth is closed.



I once knew a Blonde who I thought loved to party, because she had T.G.I.F. painted on her shoes in glitter? 
Turns out, it meant "TOES GO IN FIRST!"

Time for one more!

I also knew a Blonde who got fired from her job at the M&M factory after only ONE day. She was the proofreader!















DOWNLOAD VHUS v.13 for Maximum Podcast Gratification!

(Still available for a very limited time!)


















UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!!


Thursday, April 13:
Premiere!   The all-new VHUS v.72!

Monday, April 17:
The Best Of Uncle's In-Box!

Thursday, April 20:
From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.14!

Monday, April 24:

Don't worry, we'll think of something!








CONTACT US!    (It's e-mail.   You remember e-mail?)






Wednesday, April 5, 2017

What's That Smell? VHUS Classic Encore v.13!





















By request from our newest listeners: Another of our oldest episodes!

What occurred back in July, 2014?
  • The shame of Uncle D.L.'s  Netflix queue!
  • That Jesus Vs. The Devil arm-wrestling mural…the true story!
  • The 3rd most hazardous thing dogs sniff out after drugs and bombs?
  • The Devil's ancient beef with wishy-washy record companies!
  • THE horror mag you should NEVER trust for movie recommendations!
Plus more blacklight-powered prog rock, metal, comedy and classic rock obscura.   JOIN US!
   
(And do take the VHUS Spring-Cleaning Poll on the right side of your screen.  The results will MATTER.   Really.)











----------
(Original Debut: July 9th, 2014)

Kadavar - Come Back Life   [Abra Kadavar…Nuclear Blast]
Vintage Caravan - Let Me Be   [Voyage…Nuclear Blast]
Spock’s Beard - Down A Burning Road   [Brief Nocturnes And Dreamless Sleep…Inside Out]
The Kinks – Sleepwalker   [Sleepwalker…VelVel]
Eden's Curse - Evil & Divine   [Symphony of Sin…AFM]
Opeth - I Feel The Dark   [Heritage…Roadrunner]
Head Machine - The First Time   [Orgasm…TRC]
Arjen Lucassen - Pink Beatles In A Purple Zeppelin   [Lost In The New Real…Inside Out]
Satellite - No Disgrace   [A Street Between Sunrise And Sunset…Metal Mind]
Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats - Poison Apple   [Mind Control…Metal Blade]
Captain Beyond - Raging River Of Fear   [Captain Beyond…Capricorn]
Avatarium - Lady In The Lamp   [Avatarium…Nuclear Blast]
Deep Purple - Demon's Eye   [Fireball…EMI UK]
La Coscienza Di Zeno - Gatto Lupesco  [La Coscienza Di Zeno…Fading Records]
Battle Beast - Into The Heart Of Danger   [Battle Beast…Nuclear Blast]
Magenta - Ladyland Blues   [The Twenty-Seven Club…Tigermoth]
Saxon - Crusader (orchestral)   [Sacrifice…EMI]
Yes – Parallels   [Going For The One…Atlantic]







UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!!

Monday, April 10:
More of The Worst OF TRACK 13!

Thursday, April 13:
Premiere!   The all-new VHUS v.72!

Monday, April 17:
The Best Of Uncle's In-Box!

Thursday, April 20:
From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.14!











Follow Uncle D.L. on TWITTER!

Send A Letter To The Devil  (or Uncle D.L. ... or LUCI...)



Grip Of Delusion Radio on Tune-In   (VHUS Saturday Nights!  10PM ET / 4AM CET)