From the long out-of-print VHUS Volume 6 (April 2, 2014) comes this classic letter from Victoria concerning prayer and Facebook.
If we ever got more hate-mail in response to a Letter To The Devil,
I can't remember it.
Victoria wrote:
Dear Satan, I have a bunch of whiny Facebook friends who, at the LEAST little problem, start begging people to PRAY for them, and they are pitiful. "Please pray for my precious kitty and her feline leukemia!" or... "My clogged fuel injectors need your prayers!" or... "Please keep my son’s soccer team in your prayers as they approach the district final." Wah wah wah!! And then another long string of losers post back: "Praying for you... your pussycat will be in our prayers tonight... praying so hard for a district trophy..." WHAT BULLSHIT!
I think prayer is the least amount a person can do to help someone! Most of my friends could solve all their problems with an hour’s thought or 2 hours hard labor instead of begging for prayers. I've started unfriending these whining airheads – I’m down 25 friends this month. My sister says I’m overreacting. I’d like your professional opinion, please.
The Devil's response (which I practically had to pry out of him):
SIGH... I’ll make this brief. Prayer is NOT waste of time. It’s an act of faith, and a source of comfort to humans who don’t know any better. Point of reference: people hear the word PRAYER, and automatically assume it’s for that beardy guy up in the clouds. ALL deities receive prayers... beardy, Allah, Buddah, and yes, people even pray to yours truly. The problem with prayer is that we deities may be infinite... but due to budget cuts, we only have access to FINITE resources and can only address BIG PICTURE items with any efficiency.
50 million people praying for NO nuclear war in the Ukraine?
With crap like that in the works, no one in heaven or hell is going to give two shits about your kid’s soccer team. We’d need to clone every Indian call center operator ten times over if we decided to actually start LISTENING to peoples prayers. As for acting on them, who has that kind of spare time?!?
As Cheap Trick once said: "Everything works if you let it." Pray or don’t pray... the end result will be the same. Satan out.
And you thought all we did was play Nightwish records.
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Thursday, March 2:
Premiere: VHUS Volume 69
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THE WORLD SERIES OF HEAVY LISTENERS!! February Rankings!
Thursday, March 9:
The return of VHUS Classic Encore v.54!
Monday, March 13:
VHUS Rewind v.64: More Essential Albums from The Uncle-Basket!
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