Today's classic correspondence originally appeared in VHUS Volume 8 (April 30, 2014). Transcript slightly-edited for readibility.
BMU_Scotty writes from Brandon, Manitoba:
Dear Uncle D.L.
While visiting my family over the holidays, I had to sort out my grandmother’s laptop. Granny Rose is generally good with tech for a 75-year old pensioner, so I wasn't expecting anything bad. Before I cleaned it out and performed the needed updates, I took a look in her internet history... and O M G!
I found porn. LOTS of porn.
She’d looked at hundreds of videos on all the big porn sites, plus a bunch I’d never heard of. And worse... Granny Rose has very specific tastes. Her big three fetishes are: BIG BLACK COCKs, SHEMALES and MIDGET PORN. Ewwwww! I deleted her history and set her browser to delete her history every day.
I’m shocked beyond words. This woman practically raised me for half my life. I feel like I should say something to her, or to my mother, but I am seriously freaked out. Any words of wisdom?
UNCLE'S RESPONSE:
Nice work, Scotty. This may come as a shock to you, but EVERYBODY looks at porn. Especially those who say they DON’T. I guarantee you the more they protest, the more DONKEY SHOW videos they’ve got hidden away in a folder marked "Taxes". And old people are no different. MY THEORY: Maybe Granny Rose misses her husband? Was Grandpa black by chance? Or a crossdresser? Or maybe he was just a lot shorter than the average Canadian? Honestly, I think you should leave well enough alone, unless she starts picking up viruses or one of these porn sites lets her credit card info loose in the wild.
But you want to have some fun with it... next time you visit your grandmother, bring along a copy of THE WIZARD OF OZ and invite her watch with you. Pay attention when Dorothy sets down in Munchkin land: If Granny Rose starts licking her lips and adjusting her girdle... Well, just be glad she’s got a hobby at her age.
While you're here... Please take the VHUS SPRING-CLEANING POLL!! (it takes one minute) -->>
UPCOMING PROGRAMME STUFF!!
Thursday, March 30:
Premiere! The all-new VHUS v.71!
Monday, April 3:
VHUS WORLD SERIES OF HEAVY LISTENERS! - MARCH RANKINGS!
Thursday, April 6:
From The Vault: VHUS Classic Encore v.13!!
Monday, April 10:
More of The Worst OF TRACK 13!
No comments:
Post a Comment